Women in the LDS Church

     I don’t think it would surprise anyone for me to acknowledge that I consider myself a strong and capable woman.  I am sure it initially stemmed from my background and my upbringing.  As a child, it never occurred to me that there was anything in this world that I was not capable of doing.  My parents never discouraged any of my dreams (well, except for the time that my father convinced me that becoming a gymnast was not likely my most promising athletic pursuit).  As a child, I assumed that I would be a gold medalist in the Olympics and world record holder in swimming.  I never questioned whether I possessed the ability to go to law school or to get both academic and athletic scholarships to college.  I never saw the fact that I am female as a setback.  Such a thought never even occurred to me. And my parents certainly never created such a thought.

Even in professional setting as an adult, I do find the dialogue of a “war on women” sometimes confusing.  I will be the first to acknowledge that women have challenges in a workplace that our male counterparts do not have.  Yet, I still never even stop to consider that, as women, we are not equal to these challenges.  I live in a thoroughly man’s world.  I joke that there is never a line in the women’s restroom at construction conferences.  Not only are there few women at the top of my professional circles, there are few women in these circles at all.  But this has never caused me to doubt my ability to achieve anything…especially because I am a woman.

      Rather, living and working in a man’s world, I recognize every day the feminine strengths that uniquely qualify me for success.  (And on the occasions where I have admittedly cried in the work place, my colleagues inevitably noted my “feminine weaknesses”).  I think I am better suited to do my job as General Counsel of a large construction company because I am a woman not in spite of being a woman.  In fact, I am reminded every day that there is a power associated with the female divine nature that impacts and empowers all those men on my team.

        I promote opportunities and education and advancement for women.  That said, I reject the assertion that the way for women to become successful is to become like men.  We can be equal partners without eviscerating the divine qualities that make each men and women unique.  Abandoning our femininity is abandoning our identity.  Sure, a woman has the ability to do anything she wants—including becoming like a man.  The better question is why would she want to?

Women in the LDS Church: 

       In a world where there seems to be so much dialogue regarding gender roles and gender identity, I am proud to belong to a Church that recognizes and values women for the roles that we can play to serve and bless people.  A role that we have divine characteristics that enable us to touch others in certain circumstances in ways our male counterparts cannot. 

     At our most recent LDS Church Conference, one of the Twelve Apostles, Elder Russell M. Nelson stated,

We, your brethren, need your strength, your conversion, your conviction, your ability to lead, your wisdom, and your voices. The kingdom of God is not and cannot be complete without women who make sacred covenants and then keep them, women who can speak with the power and authority of God!

    Another church leader recently declared,

“We need women who are organized and women who can organize. We need women with executive ability who can plan and direct and administer; women who can teach, women who can speak out. …

“We need women with the gift of discernment who can view the trends in the world and detect those that, however popular, are shallow or dangerous.”

     Elder Nelson, a pioneer in the world of cardiac surgery, recounted a situation where, after a failure, he went home in tears.  After a period of feeling sorry for himself, his wife’s example and her tenacity prompted him to continue progressing:

     “Then, around 5:00 in the morning, Dantzel looked at me and lovingly asked, ‘Are you finished crying? Then get dressed. Go back to the lab. Go to work! You need to learn more. If you quit now, others will have to painfully learn what you already know.’

     Oh, how I needed my wife’s vision, grit, and love! I went back to work and learned more. If it weren’t for Dantzel’s inspired prodding, I would not have pursued open-heart surgery and would not have been prepared to do the operation in 1972 that saved the life of President Spencer W. Kimball.”

     I love this example of a situation where a strong and tenacious woman facilitated her husband’s professional success.  Some of the strongest and most successful men that I know are strong because of the women in their lives.  In fact, I believe the best possible tool for a man’s success is having an encouraging, empathetic, and capable woman behind him.  (I guess the opposite is true that nothing can hold a man back like a nagging, critical, or needy woman).

     And I know a number of women who have dedicated their lives to making their husbands and families stronger rather than electing to play some starring more “glamorous” role.  This makes me think more of them not less of them.  I have no doubt they could have succeeded in a professional setting if they had attempted—but I believe the world is stronger because they chose to play a role nurturing a family.

     Frequently, in a well-intentioned attempt to "promote" women, there is a cry to demean or emasculate men.  This is not the answer.  Tearing another down never lifts one higher.  Rather, we become more powerful as women when we promote and encourage the men around us.  That is the most effective way to encourage them to notice and promote our worth. 

     Elder Nelson, after years of success as a cardiac surgeon and decades of service as an Apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, bore a powerful witness of how much the LDS church (and the world in general) needs the influence of women.

     “My dear sisters, whatever your calling, whatever your circumstances, we need your impressions, your insights, and your inspiration. We need you to speak up and speak out in ward and stake councils. We need each married sister to speak as ‘a contributing and full partner’ as you unite with your husband in governing your family. Married or single, you sisters possess distinctive capabilities and special intuition you have received as gifts from God. We brethren cannot duplicate your unique influence. We know that the culminating act of all creation was the creation of woman! We need your strength!”

     One of my favorite parts of being an active member of the LDS Church is the strong emphasis that the Church places on the need for woman and the refusal to abandon the truth that our gender roles are divinely appointed.  Contrary to the views of the cynics and skeptics, this is not in an effort to demean women.  It is an acknowledgment and exaltation of women.

     Certainly men have the ability to develop innate “feminine” qualities and characteristics.  I also know from my former professional work as a trial lawyer that women have the ability to develop “masculine” qualities and characteristics.  I was forced to develop these for years to survive and excel in that position.  I guess I never really questioned that either man or women can develop any skillset.

     Now, I am grateful for a job in which I succeed by placing more emphasis on my feminine qualities of listening, empathy, and support.  I see daily the power that provides to my work environment.

“How will you be able to enter a marriage with a man that views his role to be the primary presidor, protector, and provider?” 
 

     I am asked forms of this question regularly.  My response:  With gratitude and appreciation that a wife who has not been a professional could never equal.  I have pushed through the rigors of an advanced education and the professional grind for close to a decade.  I recognize the discipline, fortitude, and commitment that this type of success requires.  I intimately recognize the daily emotional and physical exertion required to maintain this type of success.  Every day that my future husband walks out the door to continue this grind of behalf of our family, I will recognize and appreciate his efforts with the empathy of someone who has walked in his shoes.  I will never take it for granted. 

What Is Beauty and Value?
 

     We live in a world that sends mixed messages to girls and young women about what it means to be beautiful and what it means to be successful.  Frequently these message center on exploitation of women and their virtue—and suggest that this is the way to find recognition and fulfilment as women.  Sometimes truths are acknowledged from startling sources.  I was touched by a recent article in which the former Playboy Bunny and Las Vegas Stripshow Star Holly Madison was discussing the lessons learned that she will share with her young daughter about her life:

“When she is an adult, she will be able to do what she wants, but from day one I’ve tried to raise her to know she has value, her body parts have value, and she doesn’t have to do something cheap or tawdry to get attention,”

http://celebritybabies.people.com/2015/10/07/holly-madison-daughter-playboy-second-child/

    While Madison can certainly have been regarded as the poster girl for seductively and worldly success as a woman, I find her insight and desires for her sweet young child insightful.  Having lived the life that she did, with all its apparent glamour and glitter, that she wants for her daughter to know that she has feminine value.  She does not encourage her daughter to repeat her own experience.

How to Show the Power of Womanhood:

              I am grateful to be a woman. I am grateful to live in a place and belong to a church that encourages me to be strong in my role as a woman.  The focus on “gender equality” is frequently misdirected into a contest regarding how the world places each gender to find “power and prestige.”  I belong to a church that encourages each member to fulfill its gender roles with a focus on “service,” “compassion,” and “work.”  I was blessed to be raised by an intelligent mother who chose to remain in the home.  As any mother can acknowledge, motherhood is a path of service rather than a path of glamour.  But, in a world that expects so little of our men, I belong to a church that expects to much of them as service to our families and our communities.

              After all, isn’t the true development of a person facilitated by our opportunities to serve rather than our opportunities to “be powerful.”  In fact, it is the strength and perspective that we gain through service that truly makes us "powerful."  Yet, that "power" manifests itself in grace, restraint, empathy, and wisdom not "dominion" and "aggression."  I guess this is reinforced to me daily by a church that challenges us to become Christlike and develop charity.

      So my rally cry to the women of world is that we show our power and presence by building.  Building all those around us, including our men.  With such a united force, and the amazing results our efforts will yield, no person will ever question the power of womanhood.  And with the demonstration of this power and its ability to lift those we encounter, nobody will ever suggest that we should act like men.