When "Truth" and "Tolerance" Collide: A Path to Addressing Conflicts over Same-Sex Marriage and Other Social Issues

  

   I had a disturbing experience with a long-time colleague that has caused me to spend some serious time reflecting on the roles of both tolerance and religious truth in our society.  After working together and being friends for nearly five years, I was surprised one day with a very hostile encounter.  My colleague confronted me with the assertion that he was no longer interested in being friends with me because he had discovered I was a practicing Mormon (not sure why it took five years for him to learn this). 

     He explained that because the Mormon Church did not support homosexual relationships that he was no longer willing to tolerate and respect me as a friend.  In response, I reminded him that I had always known of his sexuality and had always treated him with respect.  I was confused:  I had always tolerated and respected him and his beliefs, why was he no longer willing to return to me the same tolerance and respect.  He acknowledged that his issue was not with my own conduct, but with the principles of the LDS Church.  Even if I personally was tolerant and accepting of him, he did not believe we could continue to be friends because I was a member of an “intolerant organization.”

     This example was clearly extreme.  I have good friends who are homosexual and good friends who are advocates for same-sex marriage.  We each readily acknowledge our different beliefs and tolerate each other.  It is this level of tolerance and respect in which I strive in all of my relationships and interactions.  Yet, this interaction exemplified the all-too frequent collision between the principles of Truth and Tolerance.  While a cry for tolerance is sympathetic, my colleague was not crying for tolerance.  I had always afforded him tolerance.  He was unwilling to tolerate me because of my stance on truth.  His cry was not for tolerance but for permissiveness.  Taken to its logical conclusion, his framework would never allow mutual respect or tolerance for any type of belief that required anything other than the most permissive behavior.  As a result, this type of attitude is nothing more than a cry to abrogate truth.

1. The LDS Church Teaches Tolerance and Respect for Others.

     The LDS Church, like all Christian religions, is founded on doctrine of love and respect for our fellow men.  We follow Christ’s teachings to love our brother as ourselves and to respect and tolerate those around us.  Tolerance is defined as "a friendly and fair attitude toward unfamiliar opinions and practices or toward the persons who hold or practice them."  Tolerance and respect are consistently preached by modern-day church leaders.

     LDS President Gordon B. Hinckley taught, “We must work harder to build mutual respect, and attitude of forbearance, with tolerance one for another regardless of the doctrines and philosophies which we may espouse.” As the Apostle Paul taught, Christians should “follow after the things that make for peace” (Rom. 14:19), and as much as possible “live peaceably with all men” (Rom. 12:18).  Consequently, we should be alert to honor the good we should see in all people and in many opinions and practices that differ from our own.  As the Book of Mormon teaches

       “all things which are good cometh of God; . . . wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.  Wherefore, take heed . . . that ye do not judge . . . that which is good and of God to be of the devil” (Moroni 7:12-14).

     While I acknolwedge that there may be either isolated or systemic incidents where members of the LDS Church or society in general act in a manner inconsistent with our doctrine on tolerance and respect, these actions are not and will never be representative of the doctrine of Christ or the LDS Church.

2.         The LDS Church Clings to Truths We Hold Absolute.

     Just as surely as the son rises in the east, members of the LDS Church believe we live in a world governed by truth and that those truths extend to govern or personal behavior.  We believe that those truths are absolute, not the creation of social convention or decision.  While we believe in loving and tolerating all people, we do not practice tolerance at the expense of truth.  Rather, we hold to our beliefs of truth while we concurrently love and tolerate others whose believes differ. 

     Perhaps the best explanation I have read of the interaction between truth and tolerance is a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks entitled ‘Truth and Tolerance.”  In the talk, he said, “Our tolerance and respect for others and their beliefs does not cause us to abandon our commitment to the truths we understand and the covenants we have made.  … We must stand up for truth, even while we practice tolerance and respect for beliefs and ideas different from our own and for the people who hold them.” http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/-truth-and-tolerance-elder-dallin-h-oaks

     President Boyd K. Packer gave an inspired introduction to this subject:

       “The word tolerance does not stand alone.  It requires an object and a response to qualify it as a virtue. . . . Tolerance is often demanded but seldom returned.  Beware of the word tolerance.  It is a very unstable virtue.”[2]

     Elder Oaks taught, “Our obligation to tolerance means that none of these behaviors—or others we consider deviations from the truth—should ever cause us to react with hateful communications or unkind actions.  But our obligation to truth has its own set of requirements and its own set of blessings.” 

     The spirit of our balance of truth and tolerance is applied in these words of President Gordon B. Hinckley:

               “Let us reach out to those in our community who are not of our faith.  Let us be good neighbors, kind and generous and gracious.  Let us be involved in good community causes.  There may be situations, there will be situations, where, with serious moral issues involved, we cannot bend on matters of principle.  But in such instances we can politely disagree without being disagreeable.  We can acknowledge the sincerity of those whose positions we cannot accept.  We can speak of principles rather than personalities.”[3]

4.         The LDS Church Position on Same-Sex Attraction

     In response to questions I frequently get regarding the LDS Church’s position on same-sex relationships, below is a link to a statement recently provided by the LDS church articulating our position.  The statement is consistent with general church teachings that we believe in tolerating and respecting others but we do not yield on our commitment to truths that we hold supreme.

      In part, the statement indicates, “Obviously, some will disagree with us. We hope that any disagreement will be based on a full understanding of our position and not on distortion or selective interpretation. The Church will continue to speak out to ensure its position is accurately understood.  God’s universal fatherhood and love charges each of us with an innate and reverent acknowledgement of our shared human dignity.  We are to love one another. We are to treat each other with respect as brothers and sisters and fellow children of God, no matter how much we may differ from one another. We hope and firmly believe that within this community, and in others, kindness, persuasion and goodwill can prevail.” 

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-mormon-responds-to-human-rights-campaign-petition-same-sex-attraction

     The statement reminds, “while the Church is strongly on the record as opposing same-sex marriage, it has openly supported other rights for gays and lesbians such as protections in housing or employment.”  The Church’s position on sexual relations by no means single out same-sex interactions: “As a church, our doctrinal position is clear: any sexual activity outside of marriage is wrong, …” 

     The statement discusses another fundamental LDS doctrine, the doctrine of choice and agency: “Ultimately, we are free to act for ourselves.”  In our own discipleship in following what we believe to be true, we recognize that each person is free to make his own choices in mortality.

     I intend to continue to love and respect my colleague in spite of our differences.  I pray that in time he will return my love and respect and not condition his own tolerance of me on demanding that I alter my conception of truth.